the end.

i have twelve bracelets of all different colors on my left wrist. one i had when i arrived in italy, and ten i have added in these six months since i left boise, idaho. they are the landmarks of the places i've been, the memories i have had. to me, they are like the notches in the doorway of a childhood home, marking how i've grown up. to date, i have a bracelet from slovenia, croatia, france, two from sardegna, two from torino, one from verona, two from italian friends, and one from aosta. on the outside, it just looks like a beautiful rainbow of thread ... it's the memories attached to each one that you don't see. the one i bought while with my Sardinian host sister on exchange week, the one that marks the visit of my best friend, the one i wished upon while my italian teacher tied it on my wrist, the ones i picked out on vacation with my family, the one from an extraordinary day with other AFSers. so much of this experience is on the inside ... what you don't see. i once told someone that if you looked at my everyday schedule as an exchange student, you might find it anticlimactic, maybe evern boring. that's because the biggest and most exciting changes have happened on the inside, not on the outside.

tomorrow i will take a 7:30 train to torino from aosta. i'll be leaving my home. here, i've grown up. it's seen me through good times and bad, and has become another place to call home. here, i have a life ... it may not be as normal as a regular italian teenager's or like my life in idaho, but it's a life. in 22 hours, i'll have to do what i did six months ago, half a world away: leave my home. i don't see this as an end, though, because as surely as i knew i'd be coming back to boise in july, i know i'll be back here one day. i'll visit my host family, try to look up old friends, hit up the english pub and familiar gelato spots. i was sad when i left boise, because i was leaving my home of 17 years for a place totally unknown. now, going back, i'm doing the same. my life in boise feels like a dream i've woken up from and no matter how hard i try to sleep, i can't remember what it was about.

when i go back, some people will only see the part of me that's changed on the outside ... maybe the fact that all this gelato has made me gain weight, my hair is longer, that i have new clothes and things i didn't have before. the true friends of mine (i think you know who you are) will go deeper ... realize how much i have changed on the inside as well. they'll talk to me and find out that my dreams and goals have changed, how i light up when i talk about my life here, how much i appreciate them ... how i don't take life for granted. they might not know what it is, but they'll realize that something about me is different ... apart from my shell. those are the friends i'm interested in keeping, that i've fought to keep contact with and who, when i go back, it'll feel natural to be around. they'll understand that when i'm moody, that i am missing maria or aosta. they'll understand that when i am restless, it's because my wanderlust has increased during these months and staying home doesn't seem like normal. they'll know that when i cry, it's not because i don't want to be in idaho with them, it's just because i am homesick. some of you will see that ... some of you won't.

i thought i'd come out of this experience knowing who i am. newsflash: i still don't. i'm a puzzle that the owner doesn't even know how to assemble, but experience by experience, try by try, i'm figuring out the pieces and putting them together. i've matured. i have a rough sketch of what i want to do with my life. i have a best friend who just happens to live half the way around the world, in Panama. i know how to function when i'm the odd one out. i can travel and handle myself in sticky situations. i can do things without the help of my parents or friends. i can depend on myself. i can work my ass off and achieve my goals. i can speak two languages. i can eat good things and not care about gaining weight. i can care more about what the inside looks like than the outside. i have something in common with over 200 other teenagers from all around the world. i can go to turkey, thailand, argentina, iceland, paraguay, finland, hong kong, and have places in which i am welcome. i can do so many things i couldn't do before.

it's funny. i was looking at pictures the other day of my first days in aosta. it was like looking at a stranger. i knew it was me and i don't look different, but i can't even remember who i was back then. i know it sounds corny and i'm rolling my eyes even writing it, but it is true. i think we all change, some in different ways than others. if you sat me down today and asked me to make a list of how i've changed as a person, i couldn't do it. i don't know how i've changed ... i just have. who i am seems natural now, and it's wierd to think that i was ever that other person.

so here we go, it's the end. there is so much i want to say, but not enough space. i don't see my departure from italy on sunday as an ending ... just the beginning of another experience, another way to change, adapt. italy and it's inhabitants and culture will always be in my heart, but there is more space to fill, and i feel like it is my duty to move on and let others have their go at living in aosta, italy. i'll come back, of course, but it will never feel the same after i have left, like boise won't feel the same when i return. here it is, guys, the end. not of this experience -- that i'll always carry with me -- but to this blog in italy. i'll update on what it is like to be home and such, but after that, i'm done. it's time to move on and know when to let go. i'm planning to do another exchange during university ... this time to india, thaliand, or china. if that happens i'll post a link on here. until then, i thank all of you. for the ones who have read every post, since the beginning. for the ones who have contacted me to let me know they are leaving for their own journeys soon. for the ones who are out there that haven't contacted me but like my blog anyways. thank you, all of you.

from idaho to italy ... from potatoes to pasta, searching for peace of mind. i've found it. i hope you do too.

lately...

in the last few weeks there has been a buttload of things that have happened, so i figured i'd update you on what i've been doing and then do another post on the end of this adventure. smart, right? thought so.

i finished school a while ago, on the 11th of June. it was an amazing feeling, walking out of my school building, knowing i'd never have to sit through four hours of latin again. the not-so-great feeling came later, at the cena della classe when (almost) my whole class got together for pizza as an end-of-the-school-year thing. i knew i'd see some of my closer friends again before i left, but it was definitely saddening to know that i'd might never see other familiar faces again. it was the beginning of the good-byes.

my best friend came to visit. it was the beginning of the hellos. i don't really have words to describe it, how many emotions there were. i went to go pick her up at the train station in turin, where she and her family were taking a direct train in from venice. i saw her sister first, and then saw her carrying her suitcase off the train. from there, it was basically like a Lifetime movie ... sappy and clichè. i wouldn't have wanted it any way else though. we ran towards each other, finally meeting in the middle with a womph and started crying into each other's shoulders. it was pretty emotional, as you can imagine. what we did during the 37 hours we were together wasn't important, it was the fact that after six months, it felt like no time had passed at all. i'd be lying if i didn't say i was worried about there being awkward moments and silences, but i didn't need to have worried, because there weren't any. at all. she's my best friend, and if spending 6 months apart, halfway around the world didn't change our friendship, nothing will. it was definitely a good two days.

i hung out with intercultura kids in turin for the day, and we did our last shopping, swam in the fountains (illegal here in italia, but like we cared), and just had a fun day hanging out together. it was weird knowing that it would be the last time seeing some of them (semester kids and year kids are in different hotels in rome), and that this would be my last go at turin before i left.

my host brother came back from his year abroad in the united states, and the first thing we all did was go out for pizza. i like to think that him and i hit it off pretty quickly, and after only a week we basically already acted like siblings. i think i was really happy to have another sibling in the house, because i think i've been a little lonely without my sister these past six months. i definitely took her for granted, although to be fair, Nicholas doesn't steal my clothes and wear them to school without asking. at least i hope not.

i went with my host family on a five day trip, where we spent three days in slovenia and croatia, a day in trieste and verona, and then a day at gardaland. slovenia and croatia were absolutely amazing, and i have to say, i will definitely be going back to visit these countries when i backpack through europe. we mostly hit up the coast of slovenia (piran, koper) and spent a day exploring the northwest coast of croatia (rovinj, pula) and croatia was definitely my favorite. we headed to trieste (also very pretty, i can see why it inspired the writings of james joyce), and then to verona. verona may be one of my favorite cities in italy, although i only spent two hours there ... i'll be adding that to the list of places to go back to. then, we hit up gardaland, the largest theme park in italy and in europe. we were there from open to close, for thirteen hours. it was so much fun ... we went on all of the huge rides and got soaked on the water ones. okay, i started it. anyways, it was a very fun ending to an overall great trip ... it was nice to have a last voyage before my departure.

i packed my suitcase ... the limit is 20 kg (44 lbs) and i made it with 19 kg! although my poor suitcase looks like it is going to explode. let's hope it doesnt.

that is basically it as far as what i've been up to these past few weeks.
hold on for another post about my feelings and stuff.

i fratelli del mondo.

afs family: end camp 2011.

at the beginning of june i headed to castelnuovo nigra (near ivrea) for the end-of-the-year camp. 68 exchange students from Valle d'Aosta (haha, it was just Maria and me from VdA), Liguria and Piedmonte went to the camp, which lasted about four days. i met tons of new people, something i always love about AFS events, and made some stronger connections with people i didn't know very well. we were all staying in this old convent, and i shared a room with Gina, a year-student from Ecuador. we divided up into sub-groups and talked about how our exchange was, ups and downs, blah blah blah. if it weren't for my fellow exchangers, the whole trip would have been super boring. this whole orientation was pretty emotional for everyone, since people started realizing that we only have a month left until we leave. what really hit me what how much i am going to miss everyone in AFS. i've said it before, but i will say it again: AFS kids are your family. you learn, grow, change together. you help each other and become like brothers and sisters. what is amazing to me is how easy it is. i met Matias, another semester kid from Argentina at Rome orientation but only actually started talking to him at the camp, and within a day we were acting like we'd known each other forever. it's like that with everyone ... we have so much to discuss and connect about, it is a challenge not to end up like a family. before i came on this trip, the friend i had that lived furthest away from me was in virginia. and now i have brothers and sisters from istanbul to australia, from chile to iceland. it's strange to me that i might never see any of them again -- it's a hard thing to deal with. we may look completely different and speak more than ten different languages in between us, we may pray to different versions of God and live in completely different cultures, but we are a family. we are brothers and sisters of the world, and this is such a beautiful thing. it's one of the things i am most grateful for from AFS.

anyways, the second night we had like a disco/dance thing that lasted until 2 o'clock in the morning when all the volunteers came to yell at us. only AFSers would party in a convent. it was actually really cool though, to see how everyone from different countries danced. the latina in me kicked in and i started flailing my hips about like i was shakira. i was convinced i looked completely stupid, but i guess i didn't because people were cheering me on and i recieved several notes about my kick ass dance moves. haha, and someone didn't believe i was american. because americans usually can't move their hips like that, i guess. hmmm, what else? the food sucked a little so my friends and i ate a whole jar of nutella in two days. it's italy. oh, and this camp was so insane that i lost my voice a little, which i guess is kind of hardcore. or not. probably not. there was also a talent show in which i preformed the "napolean dynamite" dance with two other american friends. we're just cool like that i guess. oh! i was complemented by tons of people on my italian, anda lot of people thought i was there for the year program because my italian was so good. and apparently i have completely dropped my english accent when i talk, so that is cool. at the end, when everyone left, tons of people were crying, because the next time we'll see everyone is when we are all in rome, going home. i have a feeling that rome is going to be one tearful, sleepless adventure of it's own, but we'll cross that aqueduct when we come to it.

for now, summer is fast approaching as school ends in two days (thank god!), and with it comes the arrival of my best friend from boise (silent freakout here), and the arrival of my host brother from his year abroad in South Dakota.